Monday, June 13, 2005

Tips on Getting Laid, Part 4

Okay, so, you've been getting outside: you've joined the local chess club, found a watering hole with the best Robyn Hitchcock cover band you've ever heard, and attend weekly squash tournaments. You've made witty observations to a few people. Some people have ignored you. Some people laughed, and asked you your name.

Across the squash field, a beautiful woman with the biggest, most beautiful pair of um...feet you have ever seen. And you really love big, beautiful...feet. There is no easy way to do this. You could spend weeks doing research (aka stalking) to find out that she is the County Squash Society's Treasurer's sister, that she is available, etc., but that'll get her mad if she catches you, and there is a much faster and easier way: go over and make one of your witty observations about your surroundings...just like you have been to pretty much everyone who would listen.

But you can't. I know you can't. You just know that you are going to go over there, say something stupid, and salivate all over her big, beautiful...feet. And besides, someone with such beautiful feet would not be into you so you just better forget the whole thing, right? Yeah. Right.

NO!!! You never know what anyone is looking for!!! She may be totally turned on by the fact your face was half-eaten off by a tiger. She may find it very manly that you survived the tiger attack!!! Which brings us to the encounter.

To be continued...

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