Love's Big Bait n' Switch

I have to say I have a pretty good game of seduction going. I enjoy it. I know the rules enough to play by them or ignore them. And it’s one of those things I don’t lose even after “I got him” or whatever, because it’s just plain fun. Like a hobby.

Okay, enough on that. What I want to say, is even though I am great with romance and seduction, I am really stupid about people. Here is something that everyone seems to know and be okay with except for me:

After they think they have you, the energy is gone; the romance is gone; and the weirdness begins. Men complain that the blow jobs are over. Women complain that the guys don’t take them out anymore. People start acting like their parents, or like the other person in the relationship should be their parent—way too Oedipal for me, thanks.

I don’t understand why this bait n’ switch is considered okay by anyone. I mean, what happens? We just get in so deep that we decide that we’re stuck with this person? Do both people switch to “got you, can forget you” mode simultaneously? Is it part of the hard-wiring that has something to do with propagating our species? Or are people just lazy?

I Can't Believe No One Responded To This

Desperately seeking Weird Friends on Staten Island - w4mw - 34

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Reply to: anon-93082147@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-08-24, 11:18AM EDT


How do you know you are weird enough to hang out with the likes of me and my few weird friends?

*You feel like you are normal, but everyone else calls you weird. You may find "norms" fascinating or scary.
*You like music that no one you know seems to like.
*You can't talk a lot about your past to the norms around the office.
*You have done things most people read about in books.
*You don't like that weirdness, tattoos, irony, and everything you thought cool is now "trendy".

I'm 34 with a 3 y.o. son, 6 months in S.I. I like Ween, and their song "mutilated lips" gives me ecstacy flashbacks. I am very rock n' roll, but softspoken about it. I like rockabilly, punk, and weird stuff. When I had cable, I watched Industrial TV--and I like psychotronics, Roger Corman, anime, etc. I paint portraits. I worship ancient greek gods, and I am serious considering a career change to priestess of same.

I just made some file folder labels at work that said "Disappointed in Life" (for the hanging file) with more files that said, "Long Commute" "Little Free Time" "Not Near My Friends". For more about me you can visit my blog http://love-suki.blogspot.com.

Watch out guys! I already have a weird boyfriend. He reads books about headhunters around the world.


this is in or around North Shore

no -- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests


93082147

Weekend of Fun

Tonight at Liedy's Shore Inn, I will be performing the kareoke, probably sometime around one ayem. I like to sing Stones, Beatles (esp. Come Together) and Boom Boom Boom.

Location of Liedy's

Kareoke at Liedy's starts at 10pee-em. Hope to see you there!

Sunday

Drongo will be host and DeeJay at his Scratchy Rekkid Party at 3pm at The Sidestreet Saloon

It will be Rock n' Roll, Rockabilly, and Punk favorites--plus guess the mystery rekkid. All while we get boozled! C'mon on down!!! Come early and often!!! (How many girls say that to you?) I will be there, early, kickin' it. See ya there!

A How-We-Met Story

>>>This is how Drongo and I met, about one year ago this week. I was scanning cl personals, and they all said the same thing, "Great body, work out 3 days a week. Professional. Read, movies, watch TV," blahblah blah. I remember when personals were interesting, you couldn't attach a photo, and fun to read. Angry about the lost art, I wrote the following, not thinking I'd ever actually meet anyone:

38DD seeks Smart-Alecky Media-Savvy Squeeze (33)

The first thing I want to know is, if all of you are so good looking, why aren’t you out at a bar getting laid?

Also, I have a two year old boy, and he is my first priority. If you can’t handle that, don’t bother reading on.

Me: I’m 33, 5'4", 38DD, bleached blond/rock n’ roll hair, green eyes, pale. I’m a size 12, which means I am half way between real skinny and a big house. If you like roller blading, wind surfing, and sports, I’m not the gal for you. I’m pretty mellow about most things, but fairly serious about my feng shui. Sure, you can stay out all night with the guys, but don’t you dare move my candles! I like sex a lot and often, and enjoy some fantasy, after we get to know eachother a bit.

You: Energetic, Taller than 5’ 7”, and no bigger than Jack Black. If you are balding, I only like buzzed heads (and if you don’t know why this is, write to me, and I will tell you).

What we do together: See bands! I like seeing rockabilly and punk bands. I’m a big fan of Simon and the Bar Sinisters, Barbecue Bob and the Spare Ribs, and Ween. Watch movies! I love psychotronics, weird movies, B movies, and action flicks.

This is very different ad from the others I have seen on this site. Am I asking for too much?


Drongo's response:

Drongo Zone wrote:
Hi
I think you are a realist. I think most women on CL split hairs and are too specific in their unrealistic "wants." I understand the kid thing (I've got 2), but I hate when they say "You MUST love dogs. You MUST love MY dog." For chrissakes, I'm taking YOU out, not some dang critter.

Anyway, I do like your ad. Here, glom this about me: This native new yorker complete with an accent deals in words--I write, but bring home the bacon by being a big-shot editorial manager at a big-time Wall St financial info firm. I'm the "energy" guy, so if you ever need to know about "POWER" or "MEGAWATTAGE," then, I am your man. I love movies but don't go much. And not your usual Hollywood crap either. The other night I watched this weird Chinese one about Mongols returning from defeat at the hands of the Russians. It involved a gypsy woman and her perfoming monkey/confidant, and this Mongol on a horse who slew dozens of pursuers by throwing these sharp things that cut off their heads or took a leg off a horse. Right up your alley, no?

Sex early and often is a good thing. The fantasy thing is something I have enjoyed in the past. Not only do you explode into outer space via the sexual energy, you can get out of yourself for a bit too. I dig ethnic dining, nature, my blogs. I get on a bike and ride it sometimes. I sing the rock & roll music.

I sometimes host a Scratchy Record Party at my local where i play 45s from the 50s through the 80s. Real rock & roll--not "oldies". I listen to tribal sounds from around the world. I am an amateur anthropologist and amateur criminologist. I collect books on strange and unusual subjects and can spend half a day poking around a used book store. I'm smart and I know a lot of things, as well. I read all the effin' time, from The New Yorker and the Wall Street Journal to hard-boiled crime fiction. I write about weird people getting into weird situations and have even tackled the eeeeeeerotic-a. Lemmee know if you want to read a short short story I wrote about tattoos and feng shui gone all awry--take you 5 minutes to read. I'm a "young" 45, long-haired at the moment, slim, green eyed 5'10" 160, bespectacled. Oh yeah--they say say I have a nice bum. haha. I have some old pics--lemmme know if you want to see the "biker" pic or the "tourist on a Greek island" pic.
Later you
John

>>>I read his response outloud to my roomie, where I translated "scratchy record party" into "I am a Bob Seger fan" and thought that he was actually a janitor in one of the big buildings downtown with a column in the monthly co. newsletter. When actually, he's a serious rockabilly/punk guy, rock n' roll historian, and really is an editor somewhere downtown. haha me.

My response:

Drongo--
You have such great energy.
I want to see that Chinese movie so badly now. The last silly thing I saw was "The Conqueror" with the "Duke" playing Genghis Khan, with that same ol' John Wayne intonation. In an interview, Wayne said he saw Khan as a cowboy. . . Oh, lord.
I don't get the dog thing, either. It used to be everyone had to tolerate my straight transvestite friend/roomie Charles, but Kodiak trumps Charles by a longshot now.
Out of 30 emails, I got 3 angry responses to my ad, one upset I mentioned my cup size, one thot I asked for too much, and one angry because I'm "aggressive"
I think they must be repressed.
--Suki

>>>Anyways, I didn't really expect to be into this dude too much, and as part of his coolness test, I asked him to meet me on the L.E.S. at 12:30 am (when I got off work). He did! I was completely swept off my feet after we walked around for a while and we were talking about Steve Ditko he said (backlit, head tilted slightly up, smoking a cigarette) "Marvel stock is shit." When we were making out in front of my door at 4am, I started talking dirty to him in his ear. He put his mouth against my ear and said, "I want you to cunt me."

I went upstairs, and said to my roomie, "I just went out with straight Alan Ginsburg."

grrrr...to this day.

But Seriously Now: Emotional Abuse

emotional abuse: infliction of mental anguish in order to dominate

Anyone can be the victim of emotional abuse. It is probably the most common form of abuse used between married couples (especially from women to men). It is the most painful part of alcoholic marriages. It can cause invisible but lifelong scars in children. With the aging population, it can be all or part of elder abuse, but the care giver can also be the victim. (Think of Lili Taylor, at the beginning of “The Haunting”).

I think everyone has been both a victim and a perpetrator of emotional abuse occasionally: the boss who likes to see his employee cower once in a while; the girlfriend who tortures her boyfriend with threats of leaving; the wife who sometimes feels her husband can’t do anything right; the parent who guilts his kid into doing chores. It’s too common and too easy to do. But I am not talking about occasional manipulative behavior. I am talking about long-term, day-to-day cruelty, that raises stress levels, causes the use and abuse of drugs, depression, and “acting out” in more nasty ways than I can type right here.

How Do You Know If You Are a Victim of Emotional Abuse?

Do you feel like you are walking on eggshells around this person?
Do you feel like you can’t do anything right for him/her?
Are you under constant threat (that you will lose your home/love/freedom)?
Are there certain signals that make you cringe before you even talk to that person?
Frequent guilt trips?
Do they try to shame you?
In a confrontation, do they keep switching sides, just trying to win the argument at any cost?
Do you feel inferior to this person? Do they try to make you feel inferior?
Are your feelings looked down upon? Outright sneered at?

What to Do If You Feel You Are the Victim of Emotional Abuse at Present

The first thing that you should know is that you have no power in this situation. This person is going to try to hurt you no matter what you do. You will never be able to please this person BECAUSE THIS ABUSE HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU, AND HOW GOOD/BAD/UGLY YOU ARE. It is all about the other person’s problems, which you cannot fix—and probably a world of psychotherapists couldn’t fix them either. So give yourself a break.

Read that paragraph over and over until you believe it, because it’s true.

Try to remove yourself physically from the situation, if that is all possible. Often, with emotional abuse, that is not possible, and is one of the reasons the abuse is so effective.

If you can’t get away, try to find a therapist or support group. Tell them that you want to deal with this subject. I have to say, I don’t believe that long-term talk therapy works. I think that pointed, 6 week discussions work.

Read up on stress management. There are so many books out there. Stress causes both physical and mental disease, and you are going to have to stay strong in the face of this person’s madness.

Remember that your best defense is to know that this person is trying to hurt you. Your pain is making him or her feel better—more powerful, right, better about himself. Why should you listen or pay attention or allow yourself to be hurt by someone as low as this? These words have nothing to do with you. Just ignore them.

True Fart, Sneeze and Scat Stories

http://www.dumbmoments.com/

A laugh riot.

Good Time Girls

So, not too long ago, I was in a bar (again) and the gentleman next to me said to the bar maid, “You’re just a good time girl, right, Jeanie?”

First, I was horrified that this guy basically called this girl a slut right to her face (that’s what that means to us, in woman language, you know). She ignored him. So he says, “You just like to go out and have a good time.” I think she ignored him again, or mumbled something dismissive.

I looked at this normally very nice gentleman, and all I could think was, “There is no such thing as a good time girl.” That is, a girl that just wants to go out and have sex, after the age of 25. And the ones under 25 are out looking…for a partner, but they’re not sure what they want yet, so they are just kind of going out and experimenting. They seem like good time girls, but they are really just fishing.

Myself, I often seem like a good time girl. I like to go out and party, but that’s just a preference over staying in and watching tv—the way I like to enjoy myself.

So, how do I know there aren’t good time girls out there? There are all those strippers, and “Girls Gone Wild” videos and chics in porn flix, right?

All women, saddled with the possibility of a child or a disease from having sex or a “good time” want or need something so badly they will put up with those possibilities. Strippers and porn chics want money. Girls Gone Wild—or any chic willing to do body shots, etc., are not lucid anyway, but they want attention. Women with kids need general help, and of course, your avuncular attitude toward their kids. A lot of women are looking for marriage, because in our society, still, you are not a success without a man in your life. Some women want you to take care of them financially. Myself, I like companionship, someone to keep the jerks away when I go out to see bands, and a regular sex partner (cause I hate condoms).

Sidebar:
Love? Of course we love. I am talking about the beginning of things, because it takes a while for love to develop. But even after we love, isn’t it nice to be needed?

Back to the main show:
Sorry to debunk the “Good Time Girl” myth. All girls--even sexy girls--have lives, hard ones too, with consequences. And we all exist when you are not here.

Response to NYTimes Essay: Fic vs. Non-fic in a 9/11 World

On the last page of the New York Times Book Review section (8/7) this week there is an essay stating that fiction is being cut back from magazines, as if it were a recent phenom, but actually, as a short story writer since the early '90's (ok, so I haven't been that prolific, but I have tried to send my stuff out) I can say that the editors of general interest mags have been cutting back on their fic since then.

But...one of the issues brought up by the essayist was that since 9/11, there hasn't been much fic in response to that tragedy. Or set in the post 9/11 world in a meaningful way. And that now we're a news centered culture.

This person is thinking of 9/11 like it's an event that's over, like it's a calendar day gone by. And now we're in a new world, a new day. It's not true. Here is the truth: There has been no new day since 9/11. After the planes hit the World Trade Center, we waited for more planes to hit, more buildings to explode. We waited, in front of TV's, hungrily eyeing our sets, to decide if we should flee, to look for some key to our own safety, to controlling our own destinies.

The calendar days rolled by, but the next explosions never came. And while we go through the pretense of our daily lives of working, raising our kids, getting married, partying on, we are still waiting, looking at our TVs, newspapers, magazines, websites for a new explosion, a message, a clue, a key to our survival.

Butt Crack Raaaawk!

Butt Crack Rawk USA! More workin'! Less thinkin'! YEAAH!

Hey, Workin' Stiffs! This album is dedicated to you!
1. Gimme Three Steps (Lynyrd!)
2. Ol' Time Rockin' Roll (Bob!)
3. Big Ol' Jet Airliner (Steve!)
4. Smoke on the Water (Deep!)
5. She's Got Legs! (ZZ!)
6. All We Are is Dust In the Wind (Kan!)
7. We're an American Band (Grand!)
8. Dead or Alive (Bon!)
9. More Than a Feeling (Bos!)
10. Centerfield (John!)
11. Pianoman (Billy!)
12. Margaritaville (Jimmy!)
13. Born in the USA (Bruce!)

Butt-Crack Raaaawk--Rockin' Round the Woooooooorld
1. Takin' Care Of Business (BTO, Canada)
2. Highway to Hell (AC/DC Australia)
3. Won't Get Fooled Again (The Who, UK, England)
4. Boys Are Back in Town (Thin Lizzy, UK, Ireland)
5. Maggie May (Rod, UK, England)
6. Start Me Up (Rolling Stones, UK, England)
7. We Will Rock You (Queen)
8. Radar Love (Golden Earring)
9. Whole Lotta Love (Led, UK, England)
10. Little Help from my Friends (Beatles, UK, England)
11. Cocaine (Eric, UK, England)

Giving Great Head in a Tired World.

I would really, really like to write a post about love today. But I am exhausted.

My boyfriend met the wacky parents this weekend.

My dad's your basic mad scientist, retired. I can't really describe my mom. She's a mad spiritualist/interior decorator/hippie cook. What can I say? She collects everything in the world, including animal skulls. Oh, except for hummels or anything "cute" If it's cute, you can count on it not being in her house.

In my tired world, I think I will talk briefly about something exhausting, if you do it the wrong way: giving head. To a guy, I mean. There are lots of books and mag articles that talk about the different ways you can do it: humming, licking, etc. That information you can find anywhere.

All I want to say is this: Giving very good head, and remaining comfy while doing it are the same thing. Every time you get tired, or bored or uncomfortable, just change what you are doing. That's it. It will give you incredible endurance, and the more important thing: it drives the guy absolutely crazy. Especially if he tells you not to stop.

Let the excruciating pleasure begin.

Eating Out While Staying In

A fine blog entry on the subject, with some interesting comments.

6 Second Reviews

The Long Emergency, by James Howard Kunstler

The earth has a finite amount of oil on it, responsible for most of our electricity, population explosion, and suburbs. The earth is already running out of oil. When it finally runs out, in the next ten-fifty years, most of our electricity/transportation aka our way of life will end (including hospitals, air conditioning, automobiles, and supermarkets. A lot of people will die. Sure signs this will happen is skyrocketing then wildly fluctuating gas and oil prices, skyrocketing supermarket prices. Oil is already $60/barrel now.

My recommendation: Go out and buy two books. This one, and an organic farming book. Reconnect with a relative in a small town, so you have a place to escape to (cities will have sanitation problems). That way, if the engineers don't come up with an alternative energy source in time, you'll have a plan.

Wah uv Da Woilds
Starring: Dreamworks Special Effects Team and Tom Cruise
Good, despite Tom Cruise is in it. Some nice scary/creepy parts--and some intense images of people turning into dust.