Not This Girl

this was a bulletin on myspace. My myfriend Cirese added her own response. I will add my own response tomorrow.

From Cirese:

So far I have seen this pathetic thing twice and I want to put a stop to it.

This girl is CoDependent and Easily led. I will now demonstrate how an Independent Girl with some Good Self Extreme and a Sense of Humor is:

The original ridiculousness is in lower case. I will respond with ALL CAPS

And I will put my responses in italic. I want to say here that there is nothing wrong with being somewhat needy. Without neediness, there is nothing to bring people together. And love and community are some of the most meaningful experiences life has to offer. Ask anyone. Ask Buddha or Jesus, or Aphrodite.--Sukes
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*I was once this girl...maybe she is still buried deep inside somewhere under all of this.*

i'm the girl who will put her head on your shoulder, not because she's sleepy, but because she wants to be closer to you...

I'M THE GIRL WHO WILL PUT MY HEAD ON YOUR SHOULDER BECAUSE YOU ARE SHORT. IF I WANT TO BE CLOSER TO YOU I WILL GRAB YOU AND GIVE YOU A BIG SMOOCH THEREBY ELIMINATING ALL DOUBT IN YOUR MIND.

I will probably not put my head on your shoulder, because that would interfere with our conversation.

i'm the girl who likes to be kissed in the rain, more than inside your bedroom or in an expensive resturant...

I'M THE GIRL THAT LIKES TO BE KISSED AFTER YOU HAVE ASKED MY PERMISSION FIRST. YOU EVEN TRY ONCE TO DO IT AGAINST MY BETTER JUDGEMENT OR IF YOU LOOK LIKE A CROSS BETWEEN SOMEONE VERY DEAD LIKE NOAH AND SOMEONE IN VEGAS LIKE TOM JONES, YOU CAN FORGET ABOUT THE KISSING BUSINESS, OK? YOU CAN SAY HELLO TO BRUISES.

I'm the girl that is so horny, I will french kiss you in public or private. I also prefer sex in public.

i'm the girl who says,"ok, but you owe me..." jokingly not because i actually want something, but because it means i get to spend more time with you...

I AM THE GIRL WILL DIRECTLY TELL YOU THE TERMS OF AGREEMENT AND MAKE YOU SIGN SOMETHING IF YOU OWE ME. I HAVE BEEN SCREWED OVER ENOUGH TIMES BEFORE. IF I WANT TO SPEND MORE TIME WITH YOU I WILL TELL YOU SO DIRECTLY BECAUSE I'M NOT PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE. I WILL EVEN MAKE SUGGESTIONS OF FUN THINGS TO DO.

I don't want anyone to think they owe me anything. I'm a lover, not an obligation.

i'm the girl you can take absolutely anywhere and i will ((or at least try to)) have fun because it means i am spending time with you...

I WILL NOT GO ANYWHERE WITH YOU. YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN GOING POO. YOU ARE ON YOUR OWN BUYING COMPUTER EQUIPMENT, MOUNTAIN CLIMBING GEAR AND ANYTHING INVOLVING ANY SPORT. IF I SOMEHOW ACCIDENTALLY GET DRAGGED ALONG I WILL POUT AND NOT TRY TO HAVE FUN AT ALL. TOGETHER WE WILL MAKE A LIST OF FUN THINGS WE BOTH ENJOY DOING. IF THERE IS NOTHING, WE WILL BE FORCED TO BREAK UP.

I had to divorce my second husband because he liked show tunes and Reggaetone. 'Nuff said.

i'm the girl who is incredibly picky, but when i find someone i like i want to spend the whole night curled up in their arms...

WELL THIS IS ONLY SENSIBLE; BUT THERE IS STILL THAT LITTLE THING CALLED A PROMISE. I'M NOT JUST SPENDING THE NIGHT IN SOMEONE'S ARMS BECAUSE I HAVE PICKED THEM. THEY HAVE TO PICK ME TOO AND THEN AN AGREEMENT MUST BE REACHED TO NOT GO AROUND PICKING OTHER PEOPLE OR CASUAL DISEASES UP THAT MIGHT BE LYING AROUND.

I'm the girl who is a chaste (this does not mean what most people think it means), but raging nympho. I use the blink method (read a book!) and keep a supply of my favorite brand of condoms. Do I have to paint you a picture?

i'm the girl who never forgets all sweet little things you do for me...

I'M THE ONE THAT HAS TO WRITE EVERYTHING DOWN...

I thank profusely, and then only remember that you're a nice guy.

i'm the girl who actually keeps her body parts in her clothing in public...

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, I'M THE ONE WHO ANSWERS THE MAIL WITHOUT HER TOP ON, AHAHAHAHAHA. NUDITY IS UNDER-RATED. ON THE OTHERHAND, I DO NOT GO "OUT" ON THE TOWN LIKE THIS. I WEAR BODY PAINT AT THE VERY LEAST.


I DO like to dress up for my guy. I want to get all that testosterone going to fuel the long night ahead of us.

i'm the girl who never gives up hope even when i tell others i have...

I MIGHT NOT GIVE UP HOPE, BUT I KNOW ENOUGH WHEN TO SAY 'NO' AND THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN BEING STUPID AND PRAYING FOR SOMEONE.

I am the girl who says, fukit, there are so many men out there, why dwell on the wrong one. The day I break up with someone is also the day the interesting ads appear on craigslist.

i'm the girl who once i let you into my heart, there's always a place there with your name on it. & even if we spend time apart.

YES, AND THAT NAME IS PROBABLY "IDIOT". I EXPECT ONLY THE BEST AS THAT'S WHAT I EXPECT FROM MYSELF.

I am the gal who wants to get your name tattooed on her back just for irony/white trash sleaze factor sake. (But when we break up, it'll immediately be covered by Batman logo, because Batman is hot!)

i'm the girl who never forgets you.

THIS IS VERY WISE FOR YOU TO NEVER EVER FORGET...

I'm the girl who does not remember the name of everyone she's slept with, especially from when I was 23. Twenty-three was the year I went on a "I sleep only with men who can't speak English" spree.

i'm the girl who loves to end a hug with a kiss...

NOT ALWAYS I DON'T...

I'm the girl who loves to end with a shower. And then more sex.

i'm the girl who you can talk to you about anything...

THIS IS TRUE; BUT BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU SAY, BECAUSE I'M ALSO THE GIRL WHO REACTS TO EVERYTHING AS WELL AND YOU MIGHT JUST NOT LIKE IT. I DON'T TAKE ANY SHIT.


You can talk to me about anything. Just don't expect us to stay together if you say something degrading or stupid.

i'm the girl who laughs at your jokes...

NOPE. IF THEY ARE STUPID, I DO NOT LAUGH. I WILL GIVE YOU AN HONEST CRITIQUE.

I love to laugh, but I hear I have a great withering look.

i'm the girl who will have many inside jokes with you and will remember each one...

DEPENDS ON WHO YOU ARE. IF YOU ARE MY FRIEND AND I TRUST YOU AND LIKE YOU AND PERHAPS LOVE YOU, THEN YES. FEW GET INTO THAT INNER CIRCLE, RIGHT ABDUL?

If we don't make each other laugh, I will leave you.

i'm the girl who will brag about you to all of my friends...

HELL NO. I'M THE ONE WHO KEEPS YOU ALL TO MYSELF.

I'm the girl who brags about you to her friends...and brags about all her friends to you until you are afraid to meet them and all their superior coolness.

i'm the girl who will listen to you talk...

YES, I COLLECT DATA. AND IF I LOVE YOU, I WANT TO HEAR YOUR VOICE ENDLESSLY.

I'm with Cirese on this one.

i'm the girl who loves it when you hug me for no apparent reason...

DUH

Double Duh.

i'm the girl who loves it when you hug me from behind or kiss me on the forehead..

WITH PROPER IDENTIFICATION THAT IT IS YOU DOING THIS. OTHERWISE YOU MIGHT END UP FLAT ON YOUR BACK... WHICH, COME TO THINK OF IT IS JUST WHERE I MIGHT LIKE YOU TO BE.

This will not happen because of my past, I know to keep my back to the wall, and eyes on the door.

i'm the girl who loves you for you, and doesn't care what other people say about us...

NOT NECESSARILY. IF PEOPLE ARE GOING AROUND SAYING YOU ARE HAVE A PAST AS A SERIAL KILLER AND AN ARREST RECORD, I'M GOING TO LISTEN TO THEM NO MATTER THAT YOU CAN EXPLAIN THE BLOOD UNDER YOUR NAILS.

I have a backbone, but I know that sometimes other people are right.

i'm the girl who loves it when you introduce me to your friends as your girlfriend...

UM NO. THIS DEPENDS. AM I YOUR GIRLFRIEND? HAVE WE AGREED ON THIS BEFOREHAND? IF YOU JUST START INTRODUCING ME AS YOUR GIRLFRIEND AND I'M NOT. THERE WILL BE REPURCONCUCUSSIONS.

You better introduce me as your girlfriend; as soon as I feel shamed or hidden, I'm outta there.

i'm the girl who loves the feeling when you take me by the hand without saying a word...

THIS CAN BE NICE. THEN AGAIN, I'M THE GIRL WHO WILL TAKE 'YOU' BY THE HAND WITHOUT A WORD. HELL, I'LL EVEN TRY TO PICK YOU UP BODILY...

I like the hand holding, but I prefer the old-fashioned, Grace Kelly, my-hand-in-the crook of your-elbow routine.

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Below is a bunch of immature, self-righteous garbage.

SWEET HEARTED GIRLS : If you are this girl repost this saying "I'm this girl"

THIS SHOULD BE "I'M A CODEPENDENT GIRL"

DUDES: If you want this girl repost "I want this Girl"

THIS SHOULD BE "I WANT A CODEPENDENT GIRL"

LUCKY BASTARDS: repost "I have this girl"

THIS SHOULD BE "I WANT A CODEPENDENT GIRL"

UNLUCKY GUYS: "I had this girl, once. I want her back

THIS SHOULD BE "I NEED THERAPY, SO I CAN GET A HEALTHY GIRL"

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....AND OF COURSE

GIRLS WITH HIGH SELF EXTREME: "I am OK by myself. But if I happen to meet the right person for me; wonderful. We'll see where it goes!"