So, I write these things called Biblioscopes once a week on 23rd-mandalation and on myspace. I use books for divining the future for the coming week for all sun signs. I try to pick books no one would usually pick. Last week, I got "How to Have Success with Men" or some such nonsense, about how to get married. These books were bunk. I know how to get married. Did it twice, lived with one guy once who still thinks we are married, even though we never got married nor were even close (deranged).
Okay, so to balance the stupid "how to get married" book, I tried to find a "how to get laid" book, which, if you look at the archives, is how this all got started. There are no "how to get laid" books at the public library. I'm thinking I may have to buy one. So I went to Amazon. And I became very, very afraid, and very fascinated. First of all, none of the girls on the book covers look like me (of course). Which is scary, because I'm getting older, etc., etc. Actually, I never looked too much like those chics in the first place (too much personality in my face, never was skinny). Secondly, it makes me afraid, because I am kind of good looking, and I hate feeling like prey. It is freekin' scary if you ask me. And thirdly, which I think is my worst fear of all, is this: would any of these techniques work on me? I mean, I'm attached, so I'm out of the game. But if I weren't, would this crap work on me? I don't want them to. On the other hand, what does it mean about me if they don't? I told everyone I was going to write this, so whether I want to look into this book or not, I'm going to have to...
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Special thanks to Cirese, who sent me a great email that really cheered me up. :)
ReplyDeleteI decided on and ended up having to buy this book. The cover art is simply spectacular.
Well, the title of the book kinda lays it on the line.
ReplyDeleteThey got people teaching $5,000 seminars on how to use Neural Linguistic Programing to get laid. If I could afford it, and if I could secure a money back guarantee, I think that would be my first option.
This is so weird, I was having a similar conversation with someone today about something like this...
ReplyDeleteAND...
I was secretly thinking to myself *you know, Stephasuki and I look a little bit alike...*
ahem
"And I became very, very afraid, and very fascinated. First of all, none of the girls on the book covers look like me (of course)..."
1. I never looked or look like them either. I used to be quite fat. THIS NEVER STOPPED MEN. For some reason, I was attractive to them and married or not, they hit on me. They found me irresistable. I found this confusing... Now I am half my old size and I am confused. Those girls look like used up barbies with the matted hair and need their faces washed.
2. I see myself getting older and wonder, am I still that whatever I used to be? Hmmmm. Yet, I get hit on all the time and I DO feel like prey. NOW though, I refuse to be someone's after dinner snack and I make THEM PRAY. PRAY THEY NEVER ASK ME TO FUCK THEM AGAIN. One guy ended up with a fork stabbed in his ribs. Barsted.
3. Those techniques do NOT work on smart women. Believe me, because they try them on me on the average of 3 times a week. PISS OFF! You're a walking Penis and need to be smothered with a condom.
4. The people who read those books and the people who write them need to ask themselves what it is they truly WANT. Physical gratification, or something else... Power? A sick kind of Catch and Release Program? What is sex giving them that Life isn't? It's a piece of a puzzle, the word on the page and of course... that word is FUCK.
~Cirese
thanks Cirese!
ReplyDeleteI'd agree, Cirese, that many men want that kind of power over women. Many more simply want to get their rocks off.
ReplyDeleteI think most men, however, are genuinely afraid of women, and I think that's probably the main audience for a book like this. Because sex is such a preoccupying force in the male psyche, and because 85% of guys are heterosexual (last research I've seen), guys feel that they are at the mercy of women. Sometimes they generalize this feeling, and begin to believe that women have all the power in the world. (If you've ever seen the movie "The Wall," then that's a good example of what I'm talking about.)
Note: I'm not agreeing with this viewpoint. I'm simply sharing my knowledge of men.
A book like the one you suggests offers the illusion that a man can level the playing field with women.
"Give me a good 'fork' anyday. Who needs a level?" ~Cirese
ReplyDelete*damn thing wouldn't let me leave one.*