How to Succeed with Men

I am on my second beer this morning (see previous post). I got out “How to Succeed with Men” from the library because I thought it would be terribly funny for Biblioscopes, but on my way home from dropping my kid off with his dad, I started to wonder about it. Do these guys really know something I do not know? So I started reading. It is a very fast read. It is has so far been essentially a book of lists: 10 Step Master Plan, 8 Myths About Dating You Can’t Afford to Believe, Seven Steps of Creating Your Relationship Action Plan, etc., etc.

The section entitled “Charting Your Men” made me laugh so hard on the 5 train, everyone was staring at me.

To break it down, these guys think that success with men means getting married. And I do think that is mostly true about women. As the ones who are weakened by pregnancy, and end up raising the kids, I think it’s hard-wired into our systems to try to mate for life, just as it is hard-wired into the male system to propagate the species. But I also think that the things that get us past this disparity is what make us find our spirituality and our humanity. (uh-oh! Drinking! I’m getting philosophical!)

The guys who wrote this book are goal-oriented, and I think that their time-line is totally off. They talk about presenting a “commitment deal” after only four-months of solid, steady dating, and I wouldn’t dream of it before a year. They also think that you should “test” your dates for the qualities that you are looking for (patience, loyalty, etc.) whereas I use the ‘Blink’ method. ‘Blink’ was the book that said all decisions were so complex that you should make your decision on your gut instinct, from the first second you see the subject—in this case, a guy.

They put the kibosh on dating myths (or they just could’ve said man myths) like “All the good ones are married or gay; or “Men can’t handle a powerful woman.” They were mostly right, except for “Men have fragile egos” which to them is a variation on the “men are babies” theme. I personally think that both men and women are insecure in different ways. Men have a strong need to be #1 to their women. I don’t mean first. I mean best. Doubt me? Just have a talk about how you dated a millionaire a couple times or start talking about notches in bedposts. (If yours are more than his, and there will be, if you are a good looking woman, prepare for a lot of crabbing.) So, what does this mean? If you feel a strong need to be negative, put it in a positive light. Instead of, “you smoke too much,” it should be “I don’t want you to die. You are too important. I need you too much.” Think framing, ladies, framing! And if you don’t really want to bother doing this, remember that you make them behave a certain way around you (no staring at waitress’s breasts, whatever) and they deserve this too.

I will plow through the rest of this thing, even though I have a man. I am dying to see what they say about “How to Be Successful with Women” aren’t you?