Make a Woman Disinterested in Ten Seconds Flat!

Scaring away sexy women is easier than you think! If you run into an attractive woman, and you want to make her disappear, you can try some of these:

1. Say "I like your tattoo. What is it? Why would you do that to yourself?"

2. Wait until another man is offering her a drink, and then offer her a drink at the exact same moment.

3. Tell a woman she has pretty feet, and then tell her you don’t like her toe nail polish. (Not only will she think you have a foot fetish, but that you’re a picky, insulting foot fetishist).

4. If you have a nervous tick, make it winking. Constantly wink at her, and then wink at other gals, too.

5. Keep talking to her, even though she is making no eye contact with you whatsoever. Keep talking to her, while she looks at the walls, the floor, cleans out her purse.

6. The first thing you should tell her is that you have a problem with (choose one, two, three or more!) drinking/depression/mania/genital herpes/parties.

7. If she does start talking to you, pull out a notebook (a clipboard is better, but a notebook will do) and start taking notes on your conversation.

8. If there is music playing, slap you thigh to the beat as mechanically as possible.

9. Tell her that your wife/girlfriend/significant other doesn’t understand you, so you “slapped her silly.”

10. Start self-grooming—not just digging the dirt out of your fingernails, either—pick at your skin, ask her about black heads on your face or back.