Ekas Annoying Christianoi (Nice Christianoi can hang out)

For the past few days there has been quite a hubbub at my Neo-Hellenic online group, because a worship group in Greece uses the words "Ekas Christianoi" (Depart Christians!) at the beginning of its ceremonies. Now, Greece may be a democracy, but it is also a theocracy: if you don't show up at the Greek Orthodox Church, a priest may come to your house and try to exorcise the devil. Well, anyways, some of the non-Hellenic members got freaked out about this negative energy, ma-an, and the whole thing descended into bickering, excruciatingly long posts, people responding to posts they didn't fully read (guilty as charged), and a round of whiney toughness talk ("I have TOO faced oppression, dammit!") which I will discuss in another post.

None of this solved the original problem: How do we make Annoying Christians go away? Now, I'm not talking about nice Christians, who keep to themselves, and just happily worship their god. One of my best friends is very active in her church, and I deeply respect her because she really knows her Bible, and is thoughtful about it. I am talking about ANNOYING, OPPRESSIVE PROSELYTIZERS, TELLING ME WHO, HOW AND WHERE TO WORSHIP, AND WHAT SHOULD BE DONE TO MY SOUL.

Three Ways to Make Annoying Christians Go Away
1. The next time someone starts talking to you (especially in a big crowd) about Jesus, do what my friend Hell Kitten does: Interrupt, and as if you never spoke the word "Jesus" before you your life, say, "Sooo, what can you tell me about this...jeeeeezzzz-us?" The person will start talking directly to you, as if you were a live one, and you say, "Wow that is so much to learn about jeeeeeeeeezzzzz-us. Is there any way I can read about him?" When he hands you a pamphlet, look at it carefully, turn it in your hands and say, "This is so small. Is there any other way I can learn more?" Then he will start talking to you more, but by now you won't be able to hear him over the roar of the laughter of the crowd around you, and you can just leave.

2. Hierophant's Proselytizer's Questionnaire. It's about 20 pages long, and designed to waste this proselytizer's time in an attempt to convert you. Make a lot of copies. Keep one with you at all times. It's more from the atheist camp, but still useful. Here's the link:

http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Olympus/5599/hpq/hpq-print.html

3. Hit them in the pocket book. Find a way to sue! Do a slip and fall in front of a church. Those poor victims of pedophilic priests are really taking the Catholic Church apart stone by stone with this maneuver. Think of a reason to sue, and follow through.