Why the Heck I Haven't Been Writing

Since 1/11, my boyfriend's sister-in-law died, leaving 2 kids in their early 20's, and one in his mid-teens. She had lung cancer, and I logged in a few hours on her deathbed, even though I had only met her briefly, twice. This roused a little argument with my boyfriend at first. He thought I didn't want to go to visit her in her last hours, just because it wouldn't be "fun." I was just uncomfortable at first because I didn't know her and she didn't know me and I thought it would be very...strange and uncomfortable for her and her kids if I came by. But soon I realized that he, being a smoker, needed me there. And so I went, weirdness be damned. The hospital room was darkened. TV was on, and the boyfriend's sister was taking care of all the details, forgetting where she left her pocketbook in the process.

I have run into this problem at times with boyfriends, especially if they don't move in with me soon enough: they think that because I like to have fun, that's what I want and expect all the time. It's not true. When it's time to have fun, I want to have as much as I can. When it's time for other things, I'm ready for all that too.

I've also been recovering from a visit to my parents' house. My mother's old age is not her mother's. My grandmother lived alone without animals in a nice city house, and did fun errands during the week and went shopping with my uncle on the weekends. She watched a lot of tv. This went on for about 25 years. Now she is having dementia, and still spends a lot of time in front of the tv. The difference between her old age, and my mother's, is that my mom spends her time driving between the South Shore and North Shore of Massachusetts, running back and forth, taking care of my aging dad (in the past 6 mo. diagnosed with diabetes, heart disease and skin cancer), and her mother. The whole thing makes me so depressed, I basically cry for a month after I come back from there.

I think, for a while, I forgot I had any of my 3 blogs, but I'm glad to be back.