W4M: What I learned about newyork.craigslist.org

I have been putting scads and scads of ads on cl, here in New York, all of them different. It's been a way to run away from a painful break up, I guess. My friend HellKitten accused me of trying to fuck the pain out of my system, but that's not true. I have rigid schedule and limited free time, due to my son's schedule. Out of all of this, I have gotten a lot of email chat, a two-date sex partner (with promise of a third), one new writing partner, a singles buddy, and couple of introductions that I should have just ended much more quickly. Isn't that enough, you say? Well, I still haven't met the love of my life yet, and I am shooting for the moon here.

Let me say that first of all, because of my limited schedule, and because telling the same intro stories over and over again bores the FUCK out of me (oh, yeah, and I am bored of me. I have been hanging out with me for 34 years now, and you know, that's one of the reasons I like company so much), I only meet one person per ad. I take down an ad after I get 20 or 30 responses, b/c cl is really time-sensitive. It's just a great long list, and people just don't go through the whole thing. Ever. And how many responses do I need? Only one good one.

What different ads got me.
ALL my ads got me a whole bunch of guys who sent pics with just a "hey how are you send me your pic" I think a lot of guys just blanket respond to cl ads. I immediately deleted all of those. No, I did not look at their pics. I look at it this way: if I took the time to write a real ad, why would I want to look at a respondent who didn't take the time to read it?

ALL my ads got me a whole lot of "almost" guys. As in, I wrote looking for a guy in is late 30's early 40's, and I got a lot of interesting guys in the wrong age bracket, or not so interesting queries like, "i'm in my 50's, is that ok?" No, it's not okay. OK, well, my sex partner is in his 50's, but he is probably one of the smartest people I'll meet in this lifetime, and hopefully a good friend I can keep later on. That guy really responded to my ad.

I wrote my first ad the day I broke up with my boyfriend. I had been crying for hours, and I was sick of hearing myself wail into my pillow! I needed to make myself laugh, to interact with other people. This is what it looked like:

Ad No. 1
4th Place in the InterGalactic Genitalia Manipulation Trials
Sorry, no pic. My phosphorescent skin is not radioactive, but does wreck camera equipment. Very popular on the rock I am from: both of my eyes have navy blue corneas with lavendar irises--6 breasts, with the smallest on top, and largest on bottom. I am short for my race at a mere six (of your feet) tall. Two arms, two legs, four dorsal tentacles.
Came in fourth place in the intergalactic genitalia manipulation trials--like your famous words "Cuddabinnacontendah"
Seeking a bright middle-aged male of the human species, possibly with a media or engineering background to help me understand how your sexual rituals and organs work in this heavy atmosphere, and Paris Hilton's rise to power. If it has anything to do with fellatio, I should do very well on this planet.

What I got: A lot of comic one-upmanship (I really didn't like that they couldn't play the straight man for one second, and let me be funny for one second. Deleted. A lot of Star Trek and Douglas Adams references, also deleted, because they never had a character like that in either series, which I also was not referencing. A lot of people who didn't realize that "A Streetcar Named Desire" was rerun almost every week in the '70s and it would've taken time to get that transmission out in space. (Are you thinking I'm a hard-ass? Intelligence is what I look for in a man. Instead of looking for the guy with the biggest muscles, or the biggest trailer in the trailer park, I look for smart guys. Which is why like personals. I can weed the average out so quickly this way.)

What I decided to meet: a kinky patent attorney, who is working on a screenplay, because he could play the straight man.

Result: No chemistry.

Ad No. 2

36DD Seeks Media-Savvy, Smart=Alecky Squeeze
A friend asked me the other day, "Are you looking for someone who you can have hot, kinky sex with, or someone who will be your partner and take care of you and your son?"
Why is one exclusive of the other? Why can't mom and dad lock the door and fek like porn stars?
I'd like to say at this point that I'm not so wackjob looking to get married right away, or one of those near-whores looking for some financial arrangement. But that dichotomy gets in the way of any possibility of a long-term relationship, and it doesn't come up in casual conversation.
I would also like to be with someone who has a personal code of ethics (no, you don't have to have written it out).
Are you still with me?
Ok, now only the cool people are left.
Me: I’m 35 y.o. divorced mom (gee, wonder what happened there?) w/ a 3 y.o., 5'4", 36DD, bleached blond/corporate bob hair, green eyes, pale. I’m a size 12, which means I am half way between real skinny and a big house. If you like roller blading, wind surfing, and sports, I’m not the gal for you. I’m pretty mellow about most things, but fairly serious about my feng shui. Sure, you can stay out all night with the guys, but don’t you dare move my candles!
You: Energetic, confident, intelligent, media-savvy,know what you want, with a nice sized media collection. Taller than 5’ 7”, and no bigger than Jack Black.
What we do together: See bands! I like seeing rockabilly and punk bands. I’m a big fan of Simon and the Bar Sinisters, Barbecue Bob and the Spare Ribs, and Ween. Watch movies! I love psychotronics, weird movies, B movies, and action flicks. Dissect media and news events on tv. Oh, yeah, after we get to know each other a bit, and fuck like porn stars.

What I got: Well, last year I got a really big love out of a very similar ad, so I decided to send it out again. I got a lot of people really hounding me over and over again for pics. (Big surprise. I wonder how many men go to personals looking for jerk off material.) But some interesting men in education and the music industry answered this ad. It attracts powerful men. One hate letter, only, blogged previously.

What I decided to meet: A musician, a special ed teacher, and an exec.

Result: The musician and I just couldn't get our scheds together, so I let it go.
The special ed guy was real cute, but lived too far away (an almost man), so I ended up cancelling our second date. I've been out twice with the exec--we have hot sex, and he's very smart, but I feel like he's patronizing me. I'll deal with that later.


Ad No. 3
February 1, 1962
Seek man. Write to me.

I know astrology. So sue me! Meeting someone who was born that day would have been a good match for me.

What I got: A whole lot of chat with a whole lot of almost men. And men who were just puzzled by the date.

Who I met: None. I almost met an almost man who works near me, but we had conflicting scheds.

Ad No. 4

I put an ad in looking for someone to write stories with me, under "strictly platonic". I got a couple of pleasant responses, and then forgot it was up. Several days later, a nice guy wrote to me. We're working on the stories now. He writes faster than I do. We'll see how this goes.

Ad No. 5
Are there any intelligent men on Staten Island?Where would I find one? I just moved here, so... someone fill me in.
I think a lot, and I like guys that think. A lot.

What I got: A whole lot of smart, otherwise almost men in Manh. telling me I had to commute to them, a lot of guys hoping they were smart, a journalist for the SI paper, and a cop.

Who I met: No one yet. I'm liking the cop and the journalist, though.

A continuing story...

Recommendations, I think are obvious:
If you just want to chat, just put an ad, saying, "hey, write to me!" anywhere on w4m on cl.
If you want to meet some people who will really turn you on, and have some good dates, spend some time writing a good, no-nonsense ad, be specific; and don't bother with any almost respondents--nip all the bs and nicey-nice in the bud. It will only slow you down.
Don't ask directly for any high quality you are looking for: like, definitely do not ask for smart (or muscular or moneyed or creative) because you'll get way, way too many almost men, or people who just think, or would like to think they have that quality you're looking for. You would be far better off just writing about your specific interests or issues that you know about: if you want someone who works out a lot, you'd catch much more attention from guys who actually do it if you say, "It kills me to see this girl doing curls with barbells she can barely hold." or if you want someone who thinks, say, "I think ethically, and I'm looking for someone who does the same." All the fake will be put off by this, and all the real deals will be more interested.