CNN Says SLACK OFF!

As much as I wish having sex and taking care of a good kid were the only things I did, they are not. I must also go to work--which takes over an hour each way--and then be at work for 8 whole hours. But research now shows that working our asses off all the frigging time does not an effective workplace make. More here.

Back to Sex: the Dress Every Woman Should Have

No, not the little black. Little black has little imagination as well. The dress that every woman should have is the shirt dress that buttons down from neck line to knee. Yes, it should go that long, and be made of a soft material, like jersey.

Not only is it very versatile (wear it to work buttoned up, and unbutton a few extra buttons for a hot date) but for that really special man, it can be an ultra hot sex garment. If he doesn't tell you after dinner he's been fantasizing about unbuttoning you the whole time (they do dig buttons) then before you get to bed, just unbutton down to your bra, and up to your panties. What can I say...this look adds kink, and if you're feeling chubby, hides flaws in an unselfconscious way.

Yes, I did have a great weekend. How could you tell?

Parenthood 3: Why isn't this fun yet?

I'm not going to lie. Parenthood isn't all introducing your kid to Captain Marvel and Pac-Man and making snow angels. Those are fantastic moments, and in my opinion, balance out the dirty diapers, the toilet-training, and the tantrums which a lot of people have a lot of anxiety about. When you think about those tough moments, you may want to keep some things in mind:

1. When your kid is having a tantrum, or acting crazy, a big stressor is "What'll other people think! Oh no! My kid is being loud and annoying people! They think I'm a bad parent! They're getting pissed." Actually, A LOT of people have kids, or little nieces and nephs, so more people will be more sympathetic than you think. Also, people who aren't understanding are just jerks. Really. Because even if they aren't parents, hopefully they can remember being kids themselves, and cranky or whatever, and sympathize with your kid..

2. The whole nasty diaper/potty training experience is relatively short in the entirety of your relationship with your kid. I mean, it only lasts about 3 1/2 years at most, and hopefully your relationship with your child will last a good 50 years. If your relationship lasts that long, maybe they will be helping you with your old-age incontinence (karma in action!!!).

3.Everybody has a "favorite age." Some people like widdle babies. Some toddlers, elementary school kids, or teens. Kids grow and change fast! Most moms (but not me) like the younger ages better. But most men like late elementary and teenagers better, because they are more interested in the outside worlds and careers. So, if things are tough right now, wait five minutes.

Parenting Part Deux

While I have never heard a real adult say that having a child ruined his life--I have heard people say that divorce does, especially if there are children involved. Even if your spouse doesn't take you for all your worth through alimony and child support, you will have to deal with that person until your kids 'r done raised, and every big event in your kids' lives thereafter. Plus there is the guilt factor. I personally feel guilty that I wasn't strong enough to stay with my ex-. So guilty that I didn't even think about taking what's rightfully mine (my own stuff). I basically started out again with nothing.

And being a single parent is tough. There never seems to be enough money, and you are the only one doing the cooking, cleaning, etc. You are tired all the time. Even if you don't have custody, you have the burden of paying out every month without the pleasure of having your kids about.

Seeing as 50% of marriages end in divorce, I can't say that there is any one sure thing you can do to protect yourself, except to make sure that your spouse is sane and not addicted to anything from the get-go, and that you have the same ideas about how money should be spent (not sure you're in complete agreement? To check and make sure, look at any reference titles they may own. If they want to spend money on houses, there will be books on that. Vacations, travel books. And so on).

As soon as the word "commitment" is used, the relationship is over. Commitment is about "hanging in" and not hanging out. And we need someone we can hang out with on this journey. So, I guess that's the moral of part two: if you can find someone to hang out with, the kid-thing is a non-issue.

I have to say that being divorced is not without its fringe benefits: while married couples fight to find time and energy for sex, on the weekends my kid stays with his dad who he loves, while I get to have fabu-sex with the man I love. Talk about win-win. That's win-win-win.

Next: Parenting, Part Three: How come this isn't fun yet?

Parenthood Pt. 1

Some men in their 30's have asked me about parenthood. They seem to think I'm a good person to ask, not only because I'm in my 30's and still love to go out and party, but also because I'm not one of those cutsie moms, who lives for that parental role.

First of all, let me say that I have never heard any man or woman over the age of 25, who was even meagerly established their careers, say that having a kid or two ruined their lives. It's a completely different life from being able to come and go as you please, yes. But it's not painful or bad or terrible (except for that giving birth part). In fact, if you can stand a little cheesy visual here, having a kid makes you feel like there's a new light on in your heart, and you never want it to go out.

Also, knowing that your kid is looking up to you, you may find the strength to do more for your career, be a better person all around, become grounded in a meaningful community, and grow as a person in general. More later.

Could ignorance be bliss?

Today my boss tries to look up her dentist in the yellow pages, and ends up in E for "Escorts" instead. "They can put this stuff in the phone book!?!" she exclaimed. "Isn'tit illegal?!?"

"Only if they offer sex." I replied.

"Well, what is this then? This one offers role play. What's that?"

All these images of being tied up with leather thongs came into my head. I sighed and said, "I don't know."

If she only knew that you can call one of those services outside of Disney, and order up Sleeping Beauty. Or Belle. I wish I didn't.

Happy St. BJ's Day!!!

For those of you who don't know, today was St. BJ's day, Feb. 12. St. BJ's is sort of the male version of St. Valentine's Day. Ladies, you can do this tomorrow still--St. BJ's isn't a well-publicized holiday yet. Here's what you do:

Put on your sexiest high heels and tight jeans or a pretty dress.
Make your guy a steak and potatoes meal (or his favorite meal), yes, while you wear high heels.
After dinner (and after, or possibly during) hockey, Olympics, basketball or whatever, get on your knees and give him a good, wet, cheek-enhollowing blowjob, until he comes.

Now, you may find this sexist, but St. BJ's day will definitely ensure a fantastic Valentine's Day. Believe me, you won't get dinner at a chain restaurant or heart-shaped sponges or a vaccuum cleaner after that.