And so, I’ve been looking for work. My boyfriend, hearing that I would be applying at some certain corporation, worries that I would be sexually harassed. “I’m used to it,” I replied, “I’m a pretty girl.”

Here are the “best” occasions of sexual harassment that I have personally experienced.

1. During the interview, the interviewer openly stared at my chest and licked his lips. Repeatedly.
2. When I asked my boss why he hired me, he said, “Are you kidding? I couldn’t let a piece of ass like you walk out my door.”
3. On my first day of an internship at another certain corporation, a short, mustachioed admin assistant invited me into one of the offices, and asked me, “What’s the wildest thing you’ve ever done?” I said, “What do you mean, like skydiving?” He said, “The wildest thing I’ve ever done is have sex with a beautiful blond intern on a desk.”
4. At my first job when I was seventeen, a twenty-five year old co-worker gave me a hug in the basement (which I welcomed), but then he rubbed his hips on me (just half a second), and came. How embarrassing.
5. While I was standing next to a co-worker I thought was my friend, in front of the entire accounting department, he said, “You know what she does all weekend? Have sex! For hours!”
6. One of my bosses at some certain company made me listen to Howard Stern every day, and when it was over, he would tell me that I should break up with my boyfriend and be with him instead. Daily. And when I would say no, daily, he would give me a hard time about something—until I was in tears. This stopped after a few months.

Okay, so there are only six here, but you know, I didn’t want to repeat any work locations or any repeat people. That would be cheating. Ha.