Denise

I started exercising not too long ago. Probably about 3 months now, and I've really noticed a change in my body. Richard Simmons has gotten too easy, unless I turn every knee bend into a deep squat, and add a hop every chance I can. But I didn't have Richard when I first began exercising. All I had was an old Denise Austin tape from 1986.
I hate that tape. It's from the early days of aerobics, so all it is is Denise running in place and waving her arms around different ways. For the first few weeks I would feel like throwing up after I was done with it. When I exercised, I would imagine she was a puppet. I would swear at her, say I hated her.
Then I discovered my library had a huge exercise collection, so I started doing those instead, leaving Denise as my "punishment" tape--punishment for not having the forethought to get something better at the library. Believe me, I did not revisit it for quite some time.
Then one morning, all I had was Denise and a Harry Potter movie. I put them on, side by side, (yes, on two tv's!)and worked out. The Denise exercises were easy, and I followed them out of the corner of my eye. Maybe because it was from the corner of my eye, I noticed this:

Poor Denise! Her '80's hair is all sticking up wrong, she's staggering about, her hand movements all limp and uncontrolled. And I felt really bad. I don't know how many takes it took to do this one half hour of film, but it looks like they ran her ragged--and I started to wonder if I were in better shape now than she was then, even with my beer gut.

Do Women Have the Moral High Ground?

Last night, after several drinks with my boyfriend, I said I was going home. He said he was going to his usual watering hole for another beer before he went home. I must've expressed surprise (he had just said an hour before that if there were no bar from the bar to the ferry, he probably wouldn't drink hardly at all), because he asked me, "What, do you think that's morally wrong?"

No one puts the word "moral" and "you" (meaning me) in the same sentence. Ethical, yes. Because it implies something more open than the sort of biblical "good" that "moral" implies.

And then I put pi x r2 together and saw the whole picture. In shock, I called my best friend for advice. "Charles! My boyfriend thinks I'm his moral compass!"

Charles said that was quite common. He said he feels that way about his new wife. I said, first of all, that I'm not Christian. My idea of being good is being more of one's self and bad being less of one's self. So, if being a drunk is who you really are, that's who I want you to be (though I think that's not necessarily what I'm looking for in a long term relationship). And besides, making a woman (or anyone) your moral compass is really dangerous. "Women aren't more "good" than men. They are just more conniving and sneakier about their--their--"

"Evil-ness?"

"Yes."

Charles promised to be careful. You be more careful, too.

Sexual Positioning Furniture

The chair and the swing look the most interesting for the brave folks who don't have children asking what those contraptions are in the bedroom. The "liberator" stuff looks like it might be good for people with lower back problems. To see the whole site, click here.

You probably should click there, it will get you past disclaimers a mile long. I don't want to think about injuries on some of these things.

Sex in Shape

My boyfriend was horrified to hear that sex had gotten better "since I started working out." He loves me for my mind of course. Who else can go from talking about comics with gorilla covers to condoms in less than two sentences? (And don't you wish you were around for that conversation?) But I have noticed a difference, not only all the new moves I can do but how long I can do them and how fast and aggressive I can be. He feels like he gets in deeper--can't be that much deeper! I haven't lost that much weight. The most important part for me is the difference in the way he touches me. His caresses are more aggressive and firm, a real turn-on for me. It's not a conscious change for him, but we're both still just animals, and physical appearance is still an interaction, whether we find that "shallow" or not: we still see and are seen, and that in itself is a love affair.

Blogicide

Overwhelmed by myspace blog subscriptions, vast numbers of worthy "friends" and underwhelmed by how much attention I could pay to each, I committed blogicide on myspace a few weeks ago. Well, not really blogicide--I cut and pasted the whole thing into a word doc, and then killed my myspace account. I don't miss it. I think it hurt for an entire half hour. I'm glad I made a few real friends out of my myfriends.

I wish I could be funnier about this but my tube socks are too tight. Ow.

Hot Moms in the U.S.A.

So, in my morning Metro newslet, there was an article on the new tv show, Hottest Mom in America, in which the writer said that it's basically fuktup (and I agree, but I don't think this is any more fugtup than any other reality show), and that moms shouldn't be worried about hotness. The rules said that the age of the contestants could be anywhere from 18 to 60, Gilderman commented that 60-year-old moms had real problems.

When I went to the Hot Moms web site, I couldn't help noticing that fake boobs were prevalent among the contestants.

Here is my response:
----- Forwarded Message ----
From: me
To: thedatinglife@metro.us
Sent: Thursday, October 12, 2006 8:53:19 AM
Subject: Hot Moms?

Dear Mr. Gilderman:

Thank you for pointing out the insignificance of so-called "hotness" in a mother's life. Hopefully, your article will reach the desks of Ms. Jolie's, Ms. Witherspoon's, and Ms. Paltrow's respective publicists. I am sure, once they are informed, they will start eating Twinkies(R) and bow out gracefully. And you are completely right about sexy mothers at 60! I shall send letters to Catherine Deneuve, Jane Fonda and Susan Sarandon myself.

"Suki"

http://love-suki.blogspot.com
http://23rd-mandalation.net

the '70's returns.

I always heard the '70's would return. Not the cool, hippie '70's, but the nasty, long-haired balding aqua-velva gold chain "what's your sign,baby" '70's. And there it is. Living proof. Not only did this dude have all the aforementioned things in that list, but he also had streaks in his hair. Streaks!

Oh, man.

I always knew things would get bad if I got a camera phone.