Hey everyone.
So, um…this is my first time here, I guess. Oh, right. My name. Hi, my name is Suki, and I am a phalloholic. Hah. Right. Did I say that right? Ok, good.
I guess my addiction to cock started when I was fourteen or fifteen or so. How could I help it really? I had a major depression problem, and getting laid made me feel so…good. And once I started, I had to have more. I mean, it was really all I could think about. I used to draw anatomically correct pictures of cock in the margins of my notebook. Realistic detail.
But I didn’t think of it as a prrrraawblemm, if you know what I mean. And then I wanted it in every orifice. So far, I only found three that work good. But you know, a guy doesn’t need a big dick to fuck you in the head, if you know what I mean.
Ha.
So, I don’t know when I realized it was a problem. I never cheated on anyone. Ok, not never, but only once and it involved an iron maiden full of eraser sized vibrators and you know I’m not ever going to do that again--when could that happen again? But anyways, I said I almost never cheated, but I do run through guys like crazy. You know? I mean, I’m worried I’ll run out of them. Locally. I mean cause what happens is I need it a lot. I mean ah laawt. And guys think that’s all I want them for or that they have to constantly perform all the time. And that’s not true. OK, well it’s true sometimes, but I only hear complaining after five in the morning. And I won’t be treated like crap, either.
Ok, okay, here it is…this is when I knew it was a prrrraaawblem. When my guy went on vacation for three days, and my pussy ached so bad, I cried. The whole, entire time. I was almost hospitalized for dehydration.
Ok, is that enough? Alright. Thanks for listening.
Friday, July 22, 2005
Thursday, July 21, 2005
Terminal Hurl, by Drongo
Last night I worked late and got down to South Ferry about ten to seven. The 7 p.m. boat from Manhattan canbe pretty crowded and there were hordes of sweatingcommuters and tourists waiting around. All the seatswere taken--except for three near where I was standing. People kept going up to the empty seats toclaim them for their sweltering buns, but nobody tookthem.
As soon as they arrived at the seats they couldsee why they were empty--what looked like a completejumbo bagful of chewed-up, liquefied Cheez Doodles*oozed there on the floor in front of the middle seat.Two tourist chicks came up, and when they saw thepreternaturally bright orange pile of vomit,simultaneously said, "Ewwwwwwww!"
One young hipsterlet out a "Whoa!" as he almost stepped in the stuff. Areally square middle-aged commuter guy simply shruggedwhen he realized he wasn't gonna get his hoped-forseat. After a few minutes of this, a Hispanic man, a civilian, got up from his seat and went and fetchedtwo stacked-up orange traffic cones that were sitting by a nearby pillar for some reason. The guy put thecones around the puke. Then the doors opened and I joined the shuffling mass of humanity to get on the boat.
*"Gotta have cheese? Need that cheddar cheese flavorin a crunchy snack? See the world in an orange haze?Feed your need with Wise Cheez Doodles®, the crunchysnack with cheese to the max! Wise Cheez Doodles® willsatisfy your craving for cheese with big awesomecrunch and extreme cheese flavor. And be sure to eatall you want — it's not like there's a cheese shortageor anything!"
As soon as they arrived at the seats they couldsee why they were empty--what looked like a completejumbo bagful of chewed-up, liquefied Cheez Doodles*oozed there on the floor in front of the middle seat.Two tourist chicks came up, and when they saw thepreternaturally bright orange pile of vomit,simultaneously said, "Ewwwwwwww!"
One young hipsterlet out a "Whoa!" as he almost stepped in the stuff. Areally square middle-aged commuter guy simply shruggedwhen he realized he wasn't gonna get his hoped-forseat. After a few minutes of this, a Hispanic man, a civilian, got up from his seat and went and fetchedtwo stacked-up orange traffic cones that were sitting by a nearby pillar for some reason. The guy put thecones around the puke. Then the doors opened and I joined the shuffling mass of humanity to get on the boat.
*"Gotta have cheese? Need that cheddar cheese flavorin a crunchy snack? See the world in an orange haze?Feed your need with Wise Cheez Doodles®, the crunchysnack with cheese to the max! Wise Cheez Doodles® willsatisfy your craving for cheese with big awesomecrunch and extreme cheese flavor. And be sure to eatall you want — it's not like there's a cheese shortageor anything!"
What Men Are Like or the Downfall of Mankind
So, every once in a while, I talk about love. I ask people for love advice, and see what they say. I’ll say, “My boyfriend said did this or that, and I don’t think it was right.” And they will say, “Well, that’s what men are like.”
Ladies magazines say the same thing: men cheat, men trade-up, men are lazy, men are not “emotionally available.” (that’s in quotes, because I don’t know what it means.) My mom would say stuff like, “men are babies.” My grandmother would say, “Never put out. Men will talk about you, and you will lose your good reputation.” My friends actually believe that if you have sex too early with a man, that he will dump you because you put out too soon. (I almost always have sex on the first real date--I have never had this problem.)
Well, let me tell you what women are like: women cheat. Women trade-up. Women are lazy (that’s why they clean the house so angrily). Women are emotionally unavailable—they just hide it better. Women are babies. Women try to ruin a man’s rep by talking about him behind his back. If you have sex too early with a woman, she may think you “owe” her something.
Men suck. Women suck. People suck. That is the real truth. We look for excuses for shitty behavior in people we love. We use sexuality and gender as excuses for shitty behavior. Because being sexual is automatically “bad” right? And the other sex is the other, and so we automatically don’t understand the other, right? I find this completely crazy. I do my best to treat the men in my life (past and present) very well, and I expect (and have gotten) great spans of time when I was treated very well by my significant others.
There are a lot of shitty people (and you have probably dated some of them) out there, who have no values or morals. These words have gained a real negative/conservative/judgmental flavor, but they are about following one’s inner beliefs of what’s right and wrong, and sticking to those beliefs. They are about how we treat other people, and how we want to be treated. Sex and/or gender should really have nothing to do with this at all.
Ladies magazines say the same thing: men cheat, men trade-up, men are lazy, men are not “emotionally available.” (that’s in quotes, because I don’t know what it means.) My mom would say stuff like, “men are babies.” My grandmother would say, “Never put out. Men will talk about you, and you will lose your good reputation.” My friends actually believe that if you have sex too early with a man, that he will dump you because you put out too soon. (I almost always have sex on the first real date--I have never had this problem.)
Well, let me tell you what women are like: women cheat. Women trade-up. Women are lazy (that’s why they clean the house so angrily). Women are emotionally unavailable—they just hide it better. Women are babies. Women try to ruin a man’s rep by talking about him behind his back. If you have sex too early with a woman, she may think you “owe” her something.
Men suck. Women suck. People suck. That is the real truth. We look for excuses for shitty behavior in people we love. We use sexuality and gender as excuses for shitty behavior. Because being sexual is automatically “bad” right? And the other sex is the other, and so we automatically don’t understand the other, right? I find this completely crazy. I do my best to treat the men in my life (past and present) very well, and I expect (and have gotten) great spans of time when I was treated very well by my significant others.
There are a lot of shitty people (and you have probably dated some of them) out there, who have no values or morals. These words have gained a real negative/conservative/judgmental flavor, but they are about following one’s inner beliefs of what’s right and wrong, and sticking to those beliefs. They are about how we treat other people, and how we want to be treated. Sex and/or gender should really have nothing to do with this at all.
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
Hot for Satan--Just Another Reason I Love My Guy
A while ago, I wrote an entry called, “Criteria: Or Why I Love My Man” or some such thing. I remember he read it, and felt so flattered. But the thing is this: criteria is about interchangeability: the shape of my favorite cookie cutter, more or less.
Love is about irreplaceability. It’s about me being a unique individual, wanting and needing and appreciating certain other things in someone else, or our own unique interaction.
I love Drongo because:
1. His voice is so deep, he sounds like he’s 6’8, instead of 5’9.
2. He has a tough guy, fresh-outta juvie hall Noo Yahk accent, but…
3. …he is so smart, he does the Saturday Times Crossword in pen.
4. He likes to change positions a lot in bed, you know, when we…
5. He looks like Satan, especially, when I’m right up close, eye-level with his nose. I guess a lot of people would say this is a left-handed compliment, but I am seriously hot for Satan!!!(Say, Paris Hilton does it for him, and Satan does it for me! What does that tell you? Made for each other, that’s what!)
6. The first night we met, he used dirty words in ways I had never heard them before.
7. Conversations go from cunninlingus to Sasquatch in two sentences—I can’t do that with just anyone!
8. He knows his Marvel Comics (Golden and Silver Age), and he knows about the business end too, which is a lot like telling what time it is by looking at the works of a watch.
9. He honestly enjoys playing with my son. ‘Nuff said.
10. I love the way he drives a car, all relaxed and casual, with his elbow out the window, leaning back in his seat.
11. He takes me out dancing at 1 am—even if he doesn’t really feel like it.
There’s a bunch of other stuff too, about the kinds of books he reads, love of hiking, hanging out, old movies…If you ever feel down, like maybe there is no one for you in this world, you now know that there is someone for everyone--even a comics-lovin', dancin' fool, hot for satan--and even you.
Love is about irreplaceability. It’s about me being a unique individual, wanting and needing and appreciating certain other things in someone else, or our own unique interaction.
I love Drongo because:
1. His voice is so deep, he sounds like he’s 6’8, instead of 5’9.
2. He has a tough guy, fresh-outta juvie hall Noo Yahk accent, but…
3. …he is so smart, he does the Saturday Times Crossword in pen.
4. He likes to change positions a lot in bed, you know, when we…
5. He looks like Satan, especially, when I’m right up close, eye-level with his nose. I guess a lot of people would say this is a left-handed compliment, but I am seriously hot for Satan!!!(Say, Paris Hilton does it for him, and Satan does it for me! What does that tell you? Made for each other, that’s what!)
6. The first night we met, he used dirty words in ways I had never heard them before.
7. Conversations go from cunninlingus to Sasquatch in two sentences—I can’t do that with just anyone!
8. He knows his Marvel Comics (Golden and Silver Age), and he knows about the business end too, which is a lot like telling what time it is by looking at the works of a watch.
9. He honestly enjoys playing with my son. ‘Nuff said.
10. I love the way he drives a car, all relaxed and casual, with his elbow out the window, leaning back in his seat.
11. He takes me out dancing at 1 am—even if he doesn’t really feel like it.
There’s a bunch of other stuff too, about the kinds of books he reads, love of hiking, hanging out, old movies…If you ever feel down, like maybe there is no one for you in this world, you now know that there is someone for everyone--even a comics-lovin', dancin' fool, hot for satan--and even you.
Monday, July 18, 2005
Remember high school? Remember how most everyone seemed kind of normal? There was the one guy or girl who was especially quiet, maybe one weirdo, and 2 or 3 beautiful/athletic overachievers, and the rest of us who felt like losers, but were really average joes?
What happens to people?
How do they change from being average kids in class with fair to bad haircuts to ...I guess the nice word would be...characters in badly fitting polo shirts with the bottom of their guts' showing (men and women)? Where do the nervous ticks of compulsive winking, ear-tugging, head shaking (side to side) come from? When do people start to think that going up to strangers and asking them to feel their feet is a good idea?
What happens to people? What are they thinking? Lives can be real train-wrecks, sure. But these people aren't in the hospital--I see them commuting to work.
This may sound like outrage. Or rhetorical. Or funny. But this is a real existential question for me: What insanity lies within these people to make them so disturbing on the outside?
What happens to people?
How do they change from being average kids in class with fair to bad haircuts to ...I guess the nice word would be...characters in badly fitting polo shirts with the bottom of their guts' showing (men and women)? Where do the nervous ticks of compulsive winking, ear-tugging, head shaking (side to side) come from? When do people start to think that going up to strangers and asking them to feel their feet is a good idea?
What happens to people? What are they thinking? Lives can be real train-wrecks, sure. But these people aren't in the hospital--I see them commuting to work.
This may sound like outrage. Or rhetorical. Or funny. But this is a real existential question for me: What insanity lies within these people to make them so disturbing on the outside?
Thursday, July 14, 2005
ToGL for Women: Approachability or The Deer that Wanted to Be Hunted
Men think women have it easy--all these guys approaching them all the time with er--"love" and "best intentions" and the best lines they can come up with. Okay, some guys do come over with good intentions. They really do. Honest!
Meanwhile, for women, the big complaint is this: the guy I like doesn't like me. Or he does but he's not available (married, girlfriend, six jobs, alcoholic, whatever). Sometimes the guy just isn't into but he's too much of a coward (no, not a nice guy) to say something effectively off-putting.
Now, I do think women should approach men. Why the hell not?
But when an old boyfriend asked me how many I'd had, I tried to remember them all. And I noticed something: my success rate was much lower and took much longer when I was pursuing someone in particular, rather than just going out to where there were a very high percentage of men (I like punk clubs) and letting them come up to me. Pursuing men (crushes) are a real waste of time.
How to Be Approachable.
Men think it is really easy. All you do is just look nice and stand there, right? Have a drink and run your fingers through your hair.
Um, no. I feel a lot like a deer in an enclosed hunting range. Yes, but don't I want to get hit? Um, maybe? Will the hunter be smart and nice? I don't like feeling all those eyes on me, or people thinking "ohhhh, she's looking to get laid." The whole thing is extremely nasty. And then of course, there are all those nights of getting all dressed up, etc., and coming home empty-handed.
I asked a guy friend about the whole dress up routine, and he said men see a woman all dressed up and think, "a creature like that will have nothing to do with me."
To be approachable you have to throw yourself in a room full of men (think hard rock shows, hockey arena, martial arts exhibition fights, monster truck rallies, whatever you find most likeable/least offensive), and you have to look pretty, but not too pretty. So, whatever you are thinking of wearing, tone it down: jeans instead of a skirt, maybe; a more natural look with the make-up; only one piece of jewelry.
You should also be alone. By yourself. Don't bring a friend, because that will distract you from the people trying to have conversation. If you feel shy, bring a book, a drawing pad, crossword puzzle, if it could be appropriate (like a bar) or just get yourself a drink and start looking at the art in the room (at a party).
Try to forget you are being watched/judged and have fun, no matter where you are. The best way to do that is to just focus on having fun--whatever that might be for you at that moment. Hopefully you'll get so caught up in enjoying yourself, you'll attract the attention of many men in the room.
And don't forget to run those fingers through your hair.
Meanwhile, for women, the big complaint is this: the guy I like doesn't like me. Or he does but he's not available (married, girlfriend, six jobs, alcoholic, whatever). Sometimes the guy just isn't into but he's too much of a coward (no, not a nice guy) to say something effectively off-putting.
Now, I do think women should approach men. Why the hell not?
But when an old boyfriend asked me how many I'd had, I tried to remember them all. And I noticed something: my success rate was much lower and took much longer when I was pursuing someone in particular, rather than just going out to where there were a very high percentage of men (I like punk clubs) and letting them come up to me. Pursuing men (crushes) are a real waste of time.
How to Be Approachable.
Men think it is really easy. All you do is just look nice and stand there, right? Have a drink and run your fingers through your hair.
Um, no. I feel a lot like a deer in an enclosed hunting range. Yes, but don't I want to get hit? Um, maybe? Will the hunter be smart and nice? I don't like feeling all those eyes on me, or people thinking "ohhhh, she's looking to get laid." The whole thing is extremely nasty. And then of course, there are all those nights of getting all dressed up, etc., and coming home empty-handed.
I asked a guy friend about the whole dress up routine, and he said men see a woman all dressed up and think, "a creature like that will have nothing to do with me."
To be approachable you have to throw yourself in a room full of men (think hard rock shows, hockey arena, martial arts exhibition fights, monster truck rallies, whatever you find most likeable/least offensive), and you have to look pretty, but not too pretty. So, whatever you are thinking of wearing, tone it down: jeans instead of a skirt, maybe; a more natural look with the make-up; only one piece of jewelry.
You should also be alone. By yourself. Don't bring a friend, because that will distract you from the people trying to have conversation. If you feel shy, bring a book, a drawing pad, crossword puzzle, if it could be appropriate (like a bar) or just get yourself a drink and start looking at the art in the room (at a party).
Try to forget you are being watched/judged and have fun, no matter where you are. The best way to do that is to just focus on having fun--whatever that might be for you at that moment. Hopefully you'll get so caught up in enjoying yourself, you'll attract the attention of many men in the room.
And don't forget to run those fingers through your hair.
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