Remember when you were a child or teenager, and you thought that all adults were out of their minds? I mean, there's the smoochie aunt or the drunk uncle or the mallrat mom and the golf-mad dad. The science fiction fan cousin who walked around with a propellor beanie? How about that wacky vegan who has to bring her own food everywhere, and make everyone feel bad about eating turkey on Thanksgiving?
Did you think they were all nuts? They were.
I am pretty sure now, that when one grows up, part of it is becoming completely crazy. I have refused to do it so far--I'm 34 now--but I don't think I'll be able to hold off for much longer. For a little while I thought I was going to be able to choose what kind of crazy I was--shall I be a voracious and compulsive shopper like my mom or a workaholic like my dad? Shall I be one of those crazy creative types--who is completely unstable and disagreeable, except for the fact that they write or paint sometimes.
The other day I was reading a great book called The Midnight Disease, which is about hypergraphia, and what it means to writer's block. (I've had writer's block for quite some time. I was never very prolific in the first place--not with what I consider "real writing" anyway. Real writing is novels, screenplays, short stories, articles, etc., anything that one would show an editor, anything one could sell.) Hypergraphia is a "mental illness" where one compulsively writes. Dostoevsky had it, and so did a number of other famous and prolific writers from around the world. And poets. It can be caused by epilepsy in the temporal lobe, or by manic-depression. The book was written by a woman who was in a mental institution, and surrounded by writers. She decided that one needs to be a little crazy to write. Duh.
I really don't think I have any choice in the kind of crazy I shall be. I shall be one of those cranky artists, I believe. The stereotypes are true--oversexed and drunk and lazy and agitated. Yeah, it sounds interesting and all, but it's not that fun. I really don't want my nuttiness to hurt other people, like mom's and dad's hurt me. But I don't think I really have much choice in the matter.
What kind of crazy will you be when you grow up? Comments welcome.
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I shall indubitably be the hiding-out-in-the-woods-living-with-wolves- not-speaking-and-hating-humans type of crazy.
ReplyDeleteI have the sex-mad, drunk and lazy thing going too. Sucks being artsy...
ReplyDeletecrazy often times is merely a matter of perception. Often times the genius seems crazy because no one else understands him/her.
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand, my uncle roger who shot himself in the leg to see what it felt like was not a genius...
i've noticed things in people as they get older. different phases in their lifes... certain things in life have a drastic effect on a persons personality. Things like, child birth, marriage, loss of a loved one, and getting old.
lets consider people who have been married, had children, watched their children grow up and move on...
Go and visit these people. ESPECIALLY after they retire. it'll take less than two minutes from the introduction before you start hearing about their health problems. The more personal or gross the problem the more they like to talk about it. wives will often share their husbands health problems too. i've actually seen/experienced this too many times...
me: Nice to meet you my friends mom. how are you doing?
her: Oh not too well today. I havent been able to go to the bathroom in three days. every since my uterus fell out and the dr. put it back in the wrong place things just havent been working right.
me: Oh......I'm sorry to hear that.
her: oh it's just one of those things. at least i can walk today and my nipples arent swollen. my husband has a problem and loses control of his jaw muscles. sometimes we're having sex and he just BITES down on my nipples, ha ha ha, but it's just one of those things.
me: um... yes.. i imagine that can be uncomfortable.
her: OH WELL it can be but its one of those thigns you put up with when you cant have sex that often. He had to have a testical removed last year... i think it was last year. Yeah, yeah it was. anyways he has his testical removed and... George was that your RIGHT testical or your LEFT testical that had the unhealing wound on it??? oh of course.. the left one. yeah well, he had his left testical removed and after that he just doesnt seem to have the drive he use to.
me: (dont say anything tim. dont give her anything to comment on."
her: YOu know what i mean dont you?
me: oh.. yes.. i do..
her: do you? well i've got some medication here that will help you. (she opens up three cabinets and shows her medications listed in alphabecitcal order and color coded for the condition)
now this si...well i cant pronounce it but it's good for your testicals.. well it's for my ovaries but testicals are a mans ovaries... you'll learn that someday. and here this is a cream i rub on my husband... sometiems it doesnt help much but he still likes me rubbing it on its privates...
twelve hours later..........
her: tim you sure didnt touch much of your dinner. are you sick?
me: I left my medication at home and i have to go NOW!!!!!
her: oh must tell me what it is i have some.
me: NOO.. I HAVE TO GOOOOOO!!!!!
I forgot to mention.
ReplyDeletei'm going to be the absent minded hard of hearing professor type.
I am not sure I have seen that many crazy people in my family. Or perhaps I have understood or accepted their craziness? Maybe I myself was crazy from the beginning?
ReplyDeleteI would definitely be and already am a workaholic - mother who always sits with her computer. Of course, if I do not do work - I blog or surf or whatever...
But this is not really about being crazy, but about certain inflexibilities of personality, when what one does not even give him pleasure always, but is a compulsive obsessive behaviour of sorts. It is a limit, stiffness. Thanks for bringing this up, Suki!